If you’re a young adult under 25 like myself then maybe you can relate to what i’m about to write… During the year of 2010, a good number of my friends got married and/or got pregnant/had babies which is something that kind of took me by surprise given how young we all are(none of them were over 23) and I had to step back and analyze everything going on around in my life and see if I was doing anything wrong lol because I wasn’t engaged or anywhere close to it and definitely wasn’t getting ready to become a father.
Although it’s not a concrete ideal, it’s a bit of an unspoken rule that the marriage/parental stage of life has taken a considerable push back since the days of our parents. Nowadays people don’t typically get married and/or have kids till their late twenties sometimes early thirties and though at one point I’d pushed to try to settle down early(that’s a story for another post) I realized that I would more than likely be taking that same route of getting married and all that jazz later on in life just so i could have more time to get myself and my career straight. So, again, I found it puzzling that a considerable number of friends would willingly want to get married so young in their respective lives.
And as far as babies go, to the best of my knowledge none of the babies during 2010 (or slightly prior to it) were conceived on purpose which, you know, it happens and that’s not really what i’m trying to make an emphasis on. My emphasis is the idea of not being able to choose the parent of your children. The thought alone scares all kinds of abstinence into me.
Take a second and think about your worst ex. Remember how you felt about that person in the beginning of the relationship? Remember how you felt about them by the end of that relationship? Imagine having a baby with that person at some point before your feelings switched up. Horrifying isn’t it?
And I’m not saying that the friends that had unplanned babies are doomed to a terrible life but there is something to be said about having a child with someone you didn’t necessarily choose to be the parent of that child. There are a great number of reasons as to why i feel this would possibly be the worst thing to happen to me but I’ll only touch on a couple.
1.) Turning My Parents into slightly resentful Grandparents– I can’t say I know how my parents would react if I was to get someone pregnant, especially if we were just dating(if even that Haha!) but I’m sure it wouldn’t be good. And the farther away from marriage the conditions of the child’s conception(‘just hooking up’ being the worst) the less pleased they would be, especially if they don’t necessarily like the child’s mother. These negative feelings would more than likely spread down in some effect to the grandchild that they weren’t prepared for, and I don’t want that. I would like my parents to take full pride in their grandchild-to-be as well not feel a need/pressure to financially contribute to the child’s general upbringing… I’m doing well enough to barely take care of myself right now, Lord knows if I had a baby how much worse off I’d be, therefore almost forcing my parents’ hand to help their grandchild, which i would feel terrible about. So I can’t allow myself to knock someone up.
2.) Turning Me into a slightly resentful Father– Regardless of who I have a child with, planned or not, I’m going to love my child as unconditionally as possible. I’ll be honest and say that I could definitely see myself having small lapses of regret in having a child before i’m ready, especially if the mother wasn’t my ideal choice for a ‘baby mama’ which leads me to my next point
3.) Having to deal with the Child’s Parent for the rest of the Child’s Natural life: It’s hard to decide if this is worse than the point that follows it, but if it’s not then it’s pretty close. See the beautiful thing about dating and breaking up is that, given the right circumstances, you never have to see your ex again for the rest of your life. But if you have a baby with the person and things don’t work out, you will have to see that person for as long as the child is alive, which can suck for a variety of reasons. The reason that would irk me the most is if the girl isn’t fit to be a mother. There are plenty examples that fit into that statement and you can really take your pick, but if she’s one of those chicks that dates a lot of men and has all these strangers coming in and out of my child’s life? oh there would be some problems… Problems like this could happen to people who get married quickly, have kids even quicker and God forbid things don’t work out.. something to think about
4.) Child Support– Lawd have mercy this would suck on levels I can’t possibly fathom. We all know that when it comes to child support, 98% of the time the courts are going to side with the woman if she wants child support, no matter how outstanding of a father the guy is. Now i don’t know if all of my readers are familiar with Nas and kelis but the short version of the story is that they got married, had a kid, got divorced and Kelis got PAID when it came time for child support… and I mean Stupid Paid. Granted, Nas is a relatively wealthy guy and child support is typically based off how much the guy is making but i don’t know how well the idea would sit with me knowing that i have to shell out money to a woman that I cannot stand, to support her style of living. Bump that. My child will have food in their belly, clothes on their back and shoes on their feet but my baby momma will NOT be buying some Gucci slippers on my account simply because she wants to scorn me.
In Conclusion, I think the simplest advice is that you should really think long and hard about who you decide to sleep with and all the possible long term consequences that could come along with that action and if it’s really worth the risk. And I know you’re probably thinking, “really Anthony, who’s thinking of paying child support during times like that?” and you’re right, it’s definitely not a common thought. However, it’s something that can be a reality if you’re not careful. As far as getting married young and having kids, while that whole thing is a situational ordeal, #3 and #4 can definitely happen to y’all too if the marriage isn’t something that was carefully planned out. Strictly my opinion though.
