Allow me to start off this post with a story. Once upon a time, I had a job at a place I won’t name, where I worked with a girl whose name I can’t remember. She-who-cannot-be-named made it known that she was attracted to me and phone numbers were exchanged.
Some “Let’s get to know each other” talk was exchanged, and one particular conversation that we had, that I possibly will never forget, is the time that I asked her, “What is it about me that you find attractive?”
Besides the kind of obvious response of physical attraction, everything else that was said was somewhat confusing to me at the time. She said that she liked the fact that I had my own car, and that I was in school and trying to do something with my life besides just “get money.” I didn’t say it at the time, but in my head I was thinking, “But isn’t that what everyone wants to do?”
As more time passed, and I got older, I realized, as you the reader may have also realized, that is definitely not the case, and in some ways it’s becoming the exception.
Even though I understand that it’s simply reality, sometimes my brain can’t comprehend why people allow themselves to settle in situations that they don’t find to be comforting…if that makes sense.
I guess a better example would be that, say ten years ago, when they were looking at their life ten years from then, they didn’t picture themselves being in the place that they’re in now, and rather than try to improve their situation, they instead begin to settle.
I can’t say for sure, but I feel like the more time they spend settling, the lower their expectations become as far as what they set for themselves and others. Although, I’m not sure how true that is when looked at the other way around.
Say if there’s a woman who never went to college, and she meets a man who did go to college, she may be even more impressed with the fact that he actually went and furthered his education. However, if she also went to college, she may not necessarily need her man be college educated, but if he also went to college, then it’s almost expected of him to have done so.
Life, of course, just isn’t that simple or that cut and dry. As I mentioned earlier, a lot of traits that we would once come to expect from people, especially from the opposite sex, are steadily becoming the rare cases.
Ladies, nowadays, if a guy opens the passenger side of his car for you to get in first, you may “very well have found a keeper.” I remember I had a girlfriend, who the first time I opened a door for her, she was almost in shock and said that before me, that no guy had ever opened a car door for her. Again, this news came as somewhat of a surprise for me.
I’ve even been guilty of subconsciously lowering my expectations when it comes to women. For me, if you’re a woman who’s under the age of 25 and you know how to legitimately cook, I consider that to be a rare trait worthy of admiration. Although, I’ve realized that my new-found admiration for something that used to be such a common skill, is due to the amount of women that I’ve met that can’t cook very well if at all.
So in a way, is it possible that a good portion of us are starting to sell ourselves short and putting up with the “good enough” instead of what’s truly good for us? And if that’s the case, is that okay? I mean maybe it’s just a way of us evaluating what may be truly important to us personally?
Like does your future husband need to be making six figures a year before you consider batting your eyelashes his way? Or is his ambition to become a six figure earner enough for you to give him a chance?
At the same time, I don’t know if him having his own place and a car is enough to warrant him as quality relationship material just because you have roommates and usually have to catch the bus to get from Point A to Point B.
What do you all think? Are we steadily moving towards a culture where we take what we can get or are we just making reasonable compromises? Let me know in the comment section below.
My take is that women tend translate real life aspects of a man’s life into what it may mean for their relationship. For instance, the if a man doesn’t like to put in any effort into his life, he won’t be inclined to put any effort in their relationship. By the same token, ambition is too often translated into figures, when in reality it should be measured in passion and drive. Someone who’s in a rough spot but knows where he wants to go and is working hard to get there should be enough to show any woman that he perseveres and knows what he wants.
When it comes to settling, I think many people are exhausted. Either they know what they want and have trouble finding it, or they think they know what they want without realizing those traits don’t work for them at all. In my experience, the second is most common; we refuse to be honest with ourselves and admit when it just doesn’t work or isn’t right.
1st off, i love miss lexi’s response, to add, i believe tat most people settle because its the best they can get, or best available, and would much rather leave with something than nothing at all so to speak. THere will always be more of the mediocre than the exceptional…and sense there is more of the latter, the majority of society will ALWAYS settle for that simply because of its abundance..everyone wants everything right now…so most people will always take what is in front of their face rather than wait it out for what they may really desire or deserve.
That’s true too. Kind of like picking the “Best of the worst” just because what’s truly the best is harder to find..
Well first and foremost, thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my blog 🙂 But you’re right and that is another angle to look at. Almost as if we’re trying to convince ourselves that we’re not really settling although that could very well be the case.