So a few days ago, I was having a conversation with a person who shall remain nameless (just know it was a woman) and we were talking about the Do’s and Don’t’s of going out to eat with a friend.
Now take note at the fact that I said “friend” and not date. Like a guy friend and a girl friend going out with minimal to no romantic interest… Got it? Cool.
She was recalling an experience she had, in which she went out with a friend to eat, and from what I understand, it wasn’t so much an issue that he didn’t offer to pay, it was really with how quickly he asked for those two separate checks after he made sure she had money on her.
This then led to the discussion as to what should be considered the general expectations when going to events with someone you consider to be “just a friend.” She argued that in the past she’s had guys,who are just friends, cover the entire evening’s expenses and of course gone out with others who want for each of them to pay their own way. So she feels that it’s not too far of a reach to expect a guy friend to pay for everything when they go out, even though she would never literally require him to do so.
My argument was that, as friends, you shouldn’t expect the guy to pay for anything more than his own expenses when you’re going out, unless that’s something he’s made clear beforehand. I’ll use myself as an example.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have no shortage of female friends, most of which I try to stay in contact with as often as I can. So when we go out, as friends, there are just certain things I expect us to mutually silent agree on 🙂
First and foremost, if I’m not offering to take you out someplace, or mentioning the words “my treat” I fully expect you to show up to whatever event we’re going to with your own money to pay for your own stuff. Now obviously, if it’s a legitimate date, then the rules change significantly, but if it’s anything within the realm of hanging out as friends, you shouldn’t expect me to pay a dime.
There are two reasons for this type of thinking from me. First reason, I don’t discriminate between one on one hangouts and group hangouts. What I mean is, if we were all hanging out as a group of friends, would we not all then pay for our own stuff? Why would the dynamics of that change just because it’s just the two of us instead of the five of us? Same ideal, just less people.
Second reason, Actually dating somebody can become very expensive very quickly, especially when the cost of living seems to increase every two weeks. But what’s more expensive than dating someone is “dating” everyone else. Sure, me offering to pay for a friendly meal is a nice gesture, but if I got to do it for Tiffany this month, and Emily and Alicia next month, all of whom are just friends, that can all quickly add up.
But Ladies and Gents, how do you feel about the subject matter? Do you think that male and female friends should approach any and every event scenario knowing that each will be paying their own way, or should there be a silent, or vocal, incentive for the man to cover the expenses? Let me know your thoughts.
