I feel like I’ve addressed this in an earlier blog post at some point before, but after looking through all of my posts, I guess I haven’t.
For the past two (or three) birthdays, the week leading up to my actual birthday always seems to leave me “depressed.” I say depressed because I feel like most people’s birthday week should have them feeling pretty cheery, unless of course something terrible/tragic occurred around the time of their birthday (Nothing of the sort has happened near my day though thank God)
Myself on the other hand, being the brooding-over-deep-thoughts kind of person that I am, I always become very reflective right before my birthday, especially since I graduated college.
Of course I’m grateful to see another year of life, a lot of people take that for granted whether they realize it or not, but seeing how your life can literally do a complete 180 in any given moment, I feel like even if everything was going wrong, at least I’m alive to see it through and hopefully improve my situation.
Even still, I always end up doing like a mental progress report of where I am in life, which is what usually leads to my bummed out state of mind for the week.
Most, if not all of us, tend to have an idea of where we would like to be in our lives at a certain age and stage. If you’re a person who did the straight-out-of-high-school-into-a-four-year-college thing, chances are that you saw yourself being finished with college before age 25, if not sooner… If you’re still trying to get that diploma at 26 yrs old or older, regardless of what slowed up the process, you’d probably still be a tad bit bummed that you didn’t meet your ideal goal for yourself. That’s how I feel in a nutshell.
I can’t say that I had my life at age 24 all planned out, but I’d be lying if I say I didn’t have some rough ideas. Even factoring in the fact that what I want to do for a living isn’t exactly a profession that guarantees me work, the optimist within me still couldn’t foresee things being the way they are now. Trust me, things could be much worse, to the point that I shouldn’t even entertain the thought of being down and out, but that’s just how I’m wired.
I feel like I graduated college, hit the ground running (after a much deserved rest of course) and did a dazzling leap into a pit of quicksand aka “going nowhere fast.” So many roadblocks have popped up in my life since I walked across that graduation stage that I sometimes wonder if they’re a sign that I’m really supposed to be doing something else.
Even still, I don’t give up hope or conviction that I made what I felt was the best choice for my life, I just wish my life would show more signs that it agrees with my decision.
On the flip side, once my birthday comes around, it becomes like the cure all for my depressing thoughts leading up to it. Maybe it’s all the love I get from family and friends, maybe it’s the feeling of having lived to see another year, or a combination of both plus more things that I don’t even realize… But I end up feeling renewed and rejuvenated, as if the year between now and my next birthday could be the very thing that changes everything forever in the best way possible, as long as I continue to make strides towards my goals.
How about you all? Do you ever feel that pre-birthday depression? If so, why? and what help gets you past it?
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