It’s been quite some time since the last “Ask Antonius” segment (mostly because nobody really asks me anything) but I was recently asked a good relationship question by a friend of mine and I felt like it was worth a post. The question was:
“Why Don’t People in Relationships try to work things out before ending them?”
Or how I interpreted it:
“When the going gets tough, why do they just quit?”
I’ll be honest. It’s a really good question that I don’t think I have a definite answer for, but I’m going to take a crack at it anyway.
It’s no secret that we live in a society geared towards instant gratification. Some of the previous generation has been affected by this, but this current generation is an embodiment of the “Right Now.”
It’s in everything. Blockbuster films get a majority of the plot spoiled months before release, video games get promotional trailers almost every other week, most hit TV shows have spin offs to downplay the gaps between main seasons… it’s all about how we can be satisfied RIGHT NOW.
Relationships are one of the things that have been affected by this change in mindset. In our desire to be satisfied and happy as soon as possible, encountering situations where that satisfied outcome can’t instantly be achieved is something that, generally speaking, we’re not as used to as we once were, and some people don’t handle that as well as others.
So when things take a sour note in the relationship, why would I want to wait and try to work things out, which may or may not lead to me being satisfied once again, when I could instead look for the next thing that will bring me instant gratification? Maybe I could factor in the love and affection I feel for my significant other and use that as motivation for finding a way to still be happy with that person, but for how long? This is what I would imagine is a popular mindset of people who are quick to dip out during difficult times in a relationship.
Assuming that this is true, it’s hard to argue with the underlying belief behind it. I’m a firm believer that you should never be in a relationship where you’re not personally happy. Some people take a lot of liberties with their definitions of happiness, and that plays a part in their unwillingness to work things out, but ultimately you have to ask yourself if it’s worth being in a relationship with a person who’s quick to pout and ready to dip out every time things don’t go the way they imagined them to go.
Ultimately, the goal should be to find someone who’s definition of happiness isn’t based on whatever will bring them instant gratification but is instead based on a constant source of happiness over a long-term time period.
To the person that asked, I hope that this somewhat answers your question. For everyone else, as always I’m open for questions about just about anything 🙂 #AskAntonius
