Tales From The Westside: Broke Phi Broke Part 1

For those who missed my last post (which you can read HERE ) I spoke on my desire to be a more positive minded person in this new year, and wanting to share more of myself with both the people I know and those who have yet to know me…

However, I didn’t consider how much Life is willing to test your new beliefs about yourself, no matter how small or large said beliefs may be. For example, you may have wanted to start eating healthier, so you outline the ways you plan to accomplish that goal and even speak about it at length with other people.

Despite all of that, you suddenly find yourself in constant situations where you almost don’t have a choice but to eat late, or eat fast food, etc etc. It’s not even that you still can’t avoid that predicament, but it just seems like your life has suddenly risen to challenge you on what you said you planned to do… and that’s what has happened to me since this year started.

I said I wanted to be positive because being a “realist” came too easy to me. Life, being the skeptical friend that it is, decided to test me on how much I really wanted to change my mindset. It allowed things to unfold in a series of back to back scenarios…

Scenario 1: I won’t get into too many details, but essentially there was a lack of communication on my Landlord’s part that led to my checking account over-drafting after he decided he was going to cash one of my checks on a whim… So 2 1/2 weeks into the new year and I’m “Broke Phi Broke We Ain’t Got It” Broke.

Scenario 2: I haven’t really had many auditions since the new year started, and I’d finally gotten an email about one, the only problem is that it fell on a day that I had work. Sure, I could’ve (should’ve) called out and gone to the audition. However, because I was just so broke, I felt like it was better for me to just go to work and make some guaranteed money.

Just because that was the most sensible decision at the time did not make it a decision that felt good. In fact, I felt like Crap (to put it mildly) for most of that day. During this time period, I feel like God and I had one of our closest talks since I’ve been alive… I feel like He answered me, but up until that point it was a very dark time.

Scenario #3: This happened LAST WEEKEND. I was backing out of my parking spot at our apartment, which is almost unrealistically tight, and I was doing my best to make sure that my car didn’t scrape up against my neighbor’s car.

I was so focused that I didn’t realize that I hadn’t quite cleared the pole that separates spaces on my left, and even though I was backing up as slow as I possibly could, my driver’s side mirror practically comes off as it comes into contact with the pole. I was just staring in disbelief at the nub where my mirror used to be..

Again, as we recall, from Scenario #1, I. Am. Broke Phi Broke. So the money to repair this accident can only come from my Credit Card, which is already being swiped far too much for my comfort up until this point.

It’s in this moment that I realize that although I’m just getting my start in positive thinking and that the mental change is not going to happen overnight, how quickly and easily I’m shaken out of my peace of mind, and that bothered me.

I had to pray, I had to talk to my Dad and gain additional clarity, and I had to realize that I can’t allow my peace to be shaken by what’s happening in the now.

Just as easily as these situations happened to me, the potential for prosperity can happen just as suddenly.

To Be Continued…